Frogger

Nhung and Mike were fun traveling partners. They provided humor and put up with me being me. Thanks guys, I would travel with guys any time. Just exclude me from activities that start at 8am.... I ain't no farmer. Han oi, VN was quite a place. Exotic, chaotic, and fascinating. First adjustment was learning how to cross a street. It's like playing "Frogger" and chicken at the same time. Why did Mikey cross the road? To buy cigarettes and nicotine patches. We ain't scured.



I never saw ANY accidents. With the exception of Nhung's moped crash. Imagine female "Marvin the Martian" crashing a moped (Nhung is a small girl and the helmet looked so big on her). Luckily no one was physically hurt including the bahn me. However, 5 older Vietnamese men seemed emotionally traumatized by the scene.



View from a taxi. Those gray bags are full of bud, let torch that shit! Kumar, work your lighter.


Views from a cyclo. It feels like riding on the handlebars of a bike if the handlebars were a diner bench seat. Straight up vinyl, suhn.


Vietnamese cuisine is some of the best food I've had. Man it was sooo good. I didn't have one bad meal. Mike getting pho-ed up.



The rooster (next to his moped) that impregnated the chicken for Mike's pho. That's how they do in VN!


A complete meal should be followed by coffee. We decided to be ballers and drink only the finest coffee called kopi luwak (translation weasel coffee), it's the most expensive coffee in the world. Baiscally, it's coffee berries that passed thru the digestive tracts of a weasel. That's right, some weasel had to eat berries and shoot it out of its ahole (f-off PETA). That shit was gooood. No pun indented.

Let's do this shit!


That coffee ain't paying for itself.

After a long day of work and working it. Time for some cold ones.

Our new Aussie friends. They were recently married and were on their honeymoon. We learned a couple of things that night. Dave likes to drink, recorded a spoof song about white boys rapping which got airtime (he's now recording an album with his band in a studio where INSX recorded), and can make a bowl with one hand tied behind his back... (almost). His wife does not like being called Sandi (or was it Simone), formally from Vancouver, and doesn't like being left without keys to the hotel room and without any money. We also confirmed that toilet water flushes clockwise in Australia and Aussies don't drink Fosters cause its crap (Chalk one up for higher learning).

After a long night of drinking, it was time to get some eats. No McDeez for us, fuck dat. We do street food. This street food restaurant was something special. Plastic tables and chairs with the restaurant floor covered in carcass and trash. We channeled our inner Andrew Zimmerman and order pork chops and roasted pigeon. Mike Tyson wants to race pigeon, while we wants them dead and roasted on our plates. I can confirm roasted pigeon tastes like chicken with the gaminess of duck.









Eating summer rolls while getting a pedi right before a massage. The massage was relaxing and interesting. First you're completely nude (which I prefer) and during the thigh message, she kept grazing my boyz. Nhung got the same treatment (her girls), while Mike didn't. I dunno. When in Rome do what the Romans do, adjust your appendages... accordingly.

After he tore up that pigeon like it was popeyes cajun goodness, Mikey gave us a fun little history lesson on Hồ Chí Minh Mausoleum. I'll let wiki explain. "In his will, Ho Chi Minh stated his wish to be cremated and to have his ashes scattered in the hills of north, central, and southern Vietnam. He said that he preferred cremation because it would be "more hygienic than burial and would also save land for agricultural purposes". The mausoleum was built in spite of his wishes." Funny. Well what is he gonna do, he's dead.

Changing of the guards. Outfit straight from the Sean John collection, Communist chic.


Oh pics of cool architecture in Han oi.

Off we go

Ko Chang is a great place to chill and eat. It definitely met my expectation. The people were nice and the accommodations helped. I also saw the living condition of these people and it was an eye opener. Not to say these people aren't happy, but some of these places seem inhabitable by most standards. I read of an area near my hotel where about 2,000 Cambodian workers live. They work from dusk till dawn in scorching heat for about $3 a day. 3 fucking dollars. They work in construction or in hospitality. The other night as I was walking away from my hotel, about 50 yards away, I heard a loud noise near some trash cans. It scared me and I just assumed an animal was rummaging through them. It turned out to be an old person looking thru trash for maybe recyclables. Economic inequality fucking sucks.

More pictures of Ko Chang.

Throw some deez on that bitch

Time to scope the island on my whips. I'm going to form a moped gang in Thailand. Think of Rough Riders but tougher. Whut, we got beef?! Got my whips up to 110km/hr "Torque". Full service gas station.



The island is divided into two parts, beaches on west side and villages on the east side where the locals live. Bang Bao village is a old fishing village. It's touristy with euros. I rode to a fishing village on the east side of the island and it's less dirty.

Wanna play chicken satay?


More picture from Bang Bao village.



A bathroom in Bang Bao village. A little too late; don't you think! WTF. This really defies any logic.


Lunch part 1. Stired fried crab in pepper sauce.


My lunch date. It's not running away!

Launch part 2. Point to waitress picture of fish in orange brown sauce. It was the best fried fish I've had in Thailand. It's was a nice blend of spicy and smokey. Maybe thailand verrison of BBQ sauce.


Dinning paitrons. This white guy was almost old enough to be her grandfather. This seems to be a common theme here. Older white guys with younger Thai women. Most of these guys look like they still live in their parents basements, but I'm judging. Who knows maybe they are CEOs of fortune 500 companies... She didn't say much and kept looking elsewhere. She didn't seem happy. I guess you can say the same about my lunch date, but it's a fucking cat! that sucks.

An area in lonely beach, its history is tied to those lonely planet travel book somehow. This is where I was thinking about getting some thuhh (thuhh = etb), but I chickened out. Weak.

This is not at lonely beach but this sight made me laugh. It's an average looking girl posing like a swimsuit model. She did like 5 shots of each pose. I wanted to mean and say "honey you ain't no model. Now go sit your average looking ass down and quit obstructing the beach view dumb ass"


On the other hand... how you doin?

Cruising on the east side of the island with a cig in mouth and my murse on my shoulder. The east side is mostly green with few hotels. Very beautiful. I truely felt I was in a differnent part of the world and time. Good shit.





Kids playing soccer (or as non Americans call it football). There was a crowd of people watching. My guess is most of them were family or friends and they were roudy. Good fun!

Fishing village on east side of town.



Street carnival. Typical carnival with games and stuff. Except they have fried squid, I likey. There was a long row of mopeds lined up at the carnival. Recrutiment for Tom Yam Gung Rough Riders commence!


Dinner part 1. Grilled prawns. Them things were huge. Bout the size of a lobster if it were eaten by a dragon.


Dinner part 2. Noodle soup with seafood. Kind of like pho with seafood. This was a street food stand. Gotta love the giantic tree in the middle of plastic tables and mismatched chairs. Coconut fruity drink. Both noodle soup and drink were delicous. Good bless Thailand.

Got eaten alive by bugs during the day so I decicded to channel my Mariah Carrie on like "MTV Cribs" when she was staying at Richard Bransons island estate, ballin.