Củ Chi tunnels:
"The tunnels of Củ Chi are an immense network of connecting underground tunnels located in the Củ Chi district of Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon), Vietnam, and are part of a much larger network of tunnels that underlie much of the country. The Củ Chi tunnels were the location of several military campaigns during the Vietnam War, and were the Viet Cong's base of operations for the Tết Offensive in 1968. The tunnels were used by Viet Cong guerrillas as hiding spots during combat, as well as serving as communication and supply routes, hospitals, food and weapon caches and living quarters for numerous guerrilla fighters. The role of the tunnel systems should not be underestimated in its importance to the Viet Cong in resisting American operations and protracting the war, eventually culminating in an American withdrawal."
Halong Bay:
"Ha Long Bay (literally: Descending Dragon bay; Vietnamese: Vịnh Hạ Long) is a UNESCO World Heritage Site, and a popular travel destination, located in Quảng Ninh province, Vietnam. The bay features thousands of limestone karsts and isles in various sizes and shapes. According to local legend, when the Vietnamese were fighting Chinese invaders, the gods sent a family of dragons to help defend the land. This family of dragons began spitting out jewels and jade. These jewels turned into the islands and islets dotting the bay, linking together to form a great wall against the invaders. The people kept their land safe and formed what later became the country of Vietnam. After that, dragons were interested in peaceful sightseeing of the earth, and then decided to live here. The place where the mother dragon descended was named Hạ Long, the place where the dragon's children attended upon their mother was called Bái Tử Long island, and the place where the dragon's children wriggled their tails violently was called Bạch Long Vỹ island."
To summarize, Củ Chi tunnels is where Viet Cong played hide and seek with "devil Ameicans" (side note: we watched a grainy video from the 70s (or something) of straight up communist propaganda. In short the devil Americans sent bombs from Washington, DC to kill innocent women and children. We found it hilarious!) and Halong Bay is where beautiful shit is. So there you have it.
A cross section view of the elaborate Củ Chi tunnel system. These tunnels were pretty impressive and with a little redecorating and a Swifter it could be transformed to The Forum Shops at Caesars... Generally, Vietnamese are small people, but how did they fit in there? And what address did the Viet Congs use to order delivery?? Dialog of a VC ordering Papa Johns "walk along the river and after you past the third tree from the rock make a left and walk down a tunnel... ok Nguyen, we'll be there in 30mins, guaranteed or your pie is on us!".
"Oh Nguyen, do you want 3 Coca Cola light with your order of a large meat lovers pizza??"
An air hole which allowed ventilation in these tunnels. Or diarrhea poop from a dragon, if the dragon shat mud...
Mike trying to escape the smell of my fart.... These tunnels have been expanded for tourist and they were still tight for an average size guy like me. Some of the guys reading this would have no shot it hell... you know who you are! We all took a tour (imagine walking while swatting) of the tunnels and I nearly passed out of exhaustion (let's just say the tour guide was very concerned for me.). Towards the end, I had to hop like a frog (channeling inner Tadpole).
Where did Mikey go? Yo Jay-Z and TI, holla at our boy!!
Welcoming back Mikey with open arms.
A complete tour should be followed by shooting machine guns, so we decided to shoot some shit. AK-47s and M-60s in hand.
"I dare you refer to me as female Marvin Martian again, try me bitch boy!!"
"Three pigeons and counting."
"Must destroy all pleated pants and baggy jeans."
The boat we took to Halong Bay. Someone is much more relaxed after shooting shit...
Tôi là vua Halong Bay, bitches!
Planning another early morning activity, grrrrr crazy American devils (side note: the three people you see behind Mike and Nhung are Ken, Mimi, and hot Japanese girl. Ken's a retired business man that loves his wife dearly. He now travels with his wife and has played golf all over the world. Apparently his wife plans everything and his job is just to show up. Mimi is originally from Osaka but now lives in Tokyo. She's adventurous and is interviewing for a job in Indonesia. Next is the Hot Japanese girl. She's F-I-N-E-E. I think she is also fluent in Spanish)
They served us lunch and I decided to order a bottle of wine. After lunch, I took the remaining bottle of wine into our cavern tour. BYOB Well that got rejected pretty quickly. Nhung told me they said something like "what the fuck is he doing?!?". At that point we already polished off several Tiger beers. Alcohol good in belly.
"Mimi, this is my I'm a sexy pouty bitch pose...."
I was Mimi kayaking partner during our tour. I suggested to her we kayak back to Han oi. She calls my bluff and responded by saying how bout Japan? hahaha. Let's do it! Hey buddy, do you have a washer and dryer in there?? We're going to Japan and need some fresh underwear. Can we borrow that fishing net too? We gots to eat suhn.
Floating house on water with unfinished basements...
Beautiful views of Halong Bay.
Even more beautiful views of Halong Bay. woof woof!
The cavern at Halong Bay. The tour guide was telling us some of the rock formation in the cavern have meaning and are shaped like animals, people etc. This one represents virility (can you guys find the rock?). The girls in the picture above surely didn't hurt.
This one is a sitting Buddha. Use your imagination.
On our way back to Han oi, the booze kicked in and Mike had to drain the lizard. He was only at def con level 2. Nhung and I weren't really worried since he was only at def con 2. Well, Ken layed the smack down and told the bus driver to pull over. Ken ain't playin. He's O.G. bitches!
"Is that a pigeon??" Don't piss on your food suhn. Mike's piss took exactly 5 mins and 21 seconds. That boy gotta bladder on him.
Time to eat. For only 39,000 dong you can fry a friend. Which "Friend Fried" should we have with our french fries?
Fuck it, let's get bahn mi instead. Seat belts not required for baguette when riding mopeds. I would insert a joke here about the size of the baguette and Nhung, but I saw her handle that AK-47 like female Rambo. I don't wanna become the next Friend Fried.
Does this bahn mi contain Friend Fried??
